


Confinement

by Arcadias_Fire



Series: Seeking Mischief [11]
Category: British Actor RPF, Marvel Cinematic Universe, Marvel Cinematic Universe RPF, Thor (Movies)
Genre: Angst with a Happy Ending, Cat Loki (Marvel), Domestic Fluff, Established Relationship, Implied Sexual Content, Implied/Reference Suicide Attempt, Implied/Referenced Rape/Non-con, Implied/Referenced Torture, Loki (Marvel) Gets a Hug, M/M, Magic, Mental Health Issues, Panic Attacks, Romance
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-04-19
Updated: 2020-04-19
Packaged: 2021-03-02 01:07:39
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 3,822
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/23736601
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Arcadias_Fire/pseuds/Arcadias_Fire
Summary: After two and a half years on Earth, Loki has adapted. Well, Tom would say. But crisis can bring out the worst in anyone.***The air was unnaturally still around them. Loki’s hard, panting breaths echoed in the stillness like a second heartbeat. Tom took a careful step into the workroom, mindful of the broken glass, and walked towards his husband, hands out. “It’s alright, Loki, everything is fine.”“Everything is not fine,” came the harsh reply. “Nothing is fine.”“Then tell me what’s wrong.”“Everything!” Loki bent over, the scream ripping from his throat. “I… I can’t.” He crumpled to the floor. “I can’t take it anymore.”
Relationships: Tom Hiddleston/Loki
Series: Seeking Mischief [11]
Series URL: https://archiveofourown.org/series/939900
Comments: 9
Kudos: 29





	Confinement

**Author's Note:**

> If you want to avoid anything to do with the real world right now, skip this one.

A muffled shout and the sound of shattering glass tore Tom from his book. A string of what had to be curses followed, though not in a language he recognized. He dropped the book and rushed up the stairs to the first floor. Green, foul-smelling smoke filled the upstairs hall making him cough. A moment later the smoke detector went off, blaring above everything else. 

A shriek of rage echoed above even that, and everything froze. The smoke stopped moving, hanging heavy in the air. The shrill alarm silenced. It looked as though time just froze. Tom could move, though whether that was because of his own fledgling magic or because his husband had the presence of mind to exclude him from the spell, Tom had no idea. 

He took the last few steps to the door of Loki’s workroom and peered in. “Love? Are you alright?” 

Loki looked up, his eyes flashed a dangerous emerald, much darker than their normal gray-green. They glowed through the smoke, casting an eerie light. The long black hair that straggled into his face did nothing to hide the fury twisting his handsome features into a deranged mask. Right now, Loki looked like the super villain he’d once been. 

Tom swallowed hard, but stood his ground. He was certain that Loki wouldn’t hurt him, even if something had tipped him back into madness. The air was unnaturally still around them.Loki’s hard, panting breaths echoed in the stillness like a second heartbeat. Tom took a careful step into the workroom, mindful of the broken glass, and walked towards his husband, hands out. “It’s alright, Loki, everything is fine.” 

“Everything is _not_ fine,” came the harsh reply. _“Nothing_ is fine.” 

“Then tell me what’s wrong.” 

“Everything!” Loki bent over, the scream ripping from his throat. “I… I can’t.” He crumpled to the floor. “I can’t take it anymore.” 

Tom looked down at the tormented figure, forcefully reminded of the scene from _Thor: The Dark World_ when Loki had learned of his mother’s murder. He’d been on the inside when they’d filmed it. Loki’s pain was Tom’s well before he’d ever realized that Loki was real. When he’d watched the scene later, this was what it looked like. Just one of the many strange little things that being married to your own “fictional” character brought into his life. He knelt by Loki’s side and set a gentle hand on his shoulder. He brushed his thumb along a bare patch of skin exposed by Loki’s loose black tee-shirt, just to feel the magic sparkle between them. If nothing else, it would help Loki remember what they had together. 

Loki shuddered and leaned into Tom’s hand. The last of the rage evaporated and his eyes returned to their normal color. Loki sniffled and collapsed against Tom’s side. It hurt to see his husband so distressed, but at least Loki wasn’t about to set the house on fire with out-of-control magic. 

Tom wrapped his arm around Loki’s shoulders. “What’s wrong, darling? What set this off?” 

“I… I’ve been working on… well, it doesn’t matter, it’s spoiled now. I’ve been working on a project since our… _confinement.”_ The last word was so full of venom that Tom half expected it to eat through the floor. “And it’s all ruined.” 

Tom thought through this for a moment. He suspected that it was not the destroyed experiment that was throwing his lover’s somewhat tenuous sanity for a loop, but - as he put it - their “confinement.” 

They’d barely left the house in weeks. Loki hadn’t left at all in well over a month. The streets of London were bare as everyone stayed at home and did their best to not become ill, or inflict their own illness on others. Loki couldn’t abide a mask that covered his mouth or restricted his breathing. It gave him a panic attack. And Tom suspected that’s what was causing this upset; it felt like they were in prison. 

For someone who had spent more than their fair share of life inside one jail cell or another, it was torture. 

They’d done fine up until now. They’d quickly discovered that if they spent too much of their time together, they both became ill-tempered and snappy. Tom knew he had the reputation of an angel, but he could cut with his tongue as easily as Loki could. Angry sex wasn’t worth the wounded looks they’d lashed at each other during their verbal battles. Tom couldn’t abide the ache in Loki’s eyes when Tom had said something that hit too close to home. Nor the harsh words Loki threw at him in return. Even it if often turned into spectacular, nearly brutal sex. Or tender lovemaking that left them clinging together like if either let go, they’d drown. It wasn’t worth it. 

So they left one another alone a lot. They’d been married for almost a year, and had lived together for another year and a half before that. But they were both grown men with their own lives which usually gave them at least some time away from one another. So Tom had taken to reading in his office or in the library. Loki, to tinkering in his workshop or in the kitchen. They would check in on one another, have their meals together, sleep together as they always had, but they both realized that living in one another’s pockets would be disastrous. 

They found this balance in the first few weeks. It _had_ been working. At least, Tom though it had.

“Do you want to go out for a while?” Tom asked quietly. 

Loki shook his head. “I can’t…” He looked up at Tom, panic lurking. “Not while…” He shuddered and covered his mouth with his hand. 

Tom understood. Not wearing a mask was very stigmatized right now. It wasn’t illegal or anything, but the stern, disapproving looks were a different kind of punishment. “Alright,” he replied. “I understand.” 

Loki nodded and let his hands fall. 

Tom sat on the floor next to Loki, wishing that the slate was a bit warmer. “What about an illusion?” he asked after a long moment. “Couldn’t you just create the image of a mask over your face? It’s not like a human virus could harm you.” 

“But I might give it to you.” Loki’s reply was instant. He’d clearly thought of this already. “I know you’re not likely to become dangerously ill, but I couldn’t bear it if you sickened because of my actions. I am no healer, beloved. I might be able to mend bruised tissue, or even a broken bone, but an illness?” He shook his head. “That is well outside of my expertise.” 

Tom nodded. He knew it half-killed Loki that there was nothing he could do about the pandemic. A god shouldn’t be bowed along with humanity. As far as they knew, Loki was immune to any form of viral or bacterial illness from Earth. He’d never been ill as long as Tom had known him. Loki did suffer from migraines occasionally, and several “nervous complaints” as he put it, but nothing akin to human sickness. It made sense. Loki was alien, not just to this world, but to this universe. But he hated to feel powerless, and right now, everyone felt powerless. 

“Well, at least we can go outside. Come on.” Tom stood up and held out a hand. Loki took it, though Tom wouldn’t be able to pull Loki to his feet even if he tried. Loki weighed more than twice what he did, even if they looked the same. 

As they stepped into the hall, Loki tisked and shook his head. Smoke still filled the corridor, even if it was completely motionless. Loki waved a hand, and the smoke vanished. A second later, he glared at the now-beeping smoke detector, and it fell silent. 

Their back garden wasn’t large. A party of fifteen or twenty could fit comfortably, but no more than that. They sat on the wooden bench below the tall tree that gave the whole garden shade. Tom wished for a bit more sun, given that the Spring was still chilly. Loki never felt the cold, of course. He did stare at the overcast sky. 

“We should spend more time out here,” Tom muttered quietly. “At least now that it’s a bit warmer.” 

Loki nodded, eyes still focused on the sky. “I hadn’t realized how much I missed it.” 

“I’m sorry, love, I should have realized.” 

Loki shook his head. “I cannot blame you. I hardly knew myself.” He made a tiny broken sound. “I feel so weak.” 

“So do I.” 

Loki started and looked over at Tom, consternation written on his brows. “Why?” 

“I can’t do anything either. There’s nothing I can do to fix this. I can’t make any real difference here. I just have to stay at home and do my part just like everyone else. I can’t go someplace and help. I’m not a doctor, so there’s nothing I can do.” He glanced over at his still-confused husband. “I know it’s not exactly the same, but I still feel… helpless.” 

“I suppose that makes sense.” 

They fell into a companionable silence, sitting side by side on the bench. 

“Love?” 

Loki glanced at him. “Mmmm?” 

“Do you think it would help to… to talk to a professional about your panic attacks?” 

Tom saw Loki flinch out of the corner of his eye. “I… It likely would, but I can’t exactly tell them everything that’s happened to me. I’d be locked away if I did.” 

Tom tilted his head in acknowledgement. This was the primary reason he hadn’t suggested therapy to Loki before. Most of his trauma came from events that were impossible according to Earth science. You couldn’t exactly tell a therapist that you weren’t even the same species as your family. Or that you tried to commit genocide against an alien race. Or that a suicide attempt lead directly to an invasion of Earth. Or that you'd been raped and tortured by an alternate version of your own husband, who also happened to be an alternate version of yourself. 

Loki was right, he’d be sectioned or sent to the government to be experimented on, depending on whether or not anyone believed him

“It might be worth looking into something a bit less personal. Ways of mitigating panic attacks, something like that. Just so it’s easier for you to deal with it.” 

Loki nodded, then leaned against Tom’s shoulder. “I’ll think about it.” 

Tom wrapped his arm around Loki and kissed the top of his head. Silence fell again. 

“Beloved?” 

“Mmm?” 

“Could we… spar, perhaps? I feel as though it might help.” 

Tom started. They hadn’t sparred in a while, not since Loki’s abduction. Tom couldn’t bring himself to try and hurt his lover in any way, though of course harming a god was difficult. This mostly applied to certain bedroom activities, but it extended to sparring as well. They’d had several long conversations about pain and restraints, both of which were currently off the table, but they hadn’t discussed anything outside of the bedroom. Neither one of them had brought sparring up, so Tom assumed that it was fine that they stopped that, too. Apparently he was wrong. 

“Of course, if you want to.” 

Loki grinned at him. “Wonderful. You should change. I’ll retrieve the practice blades.” 

Tom chuckled as he got to his feet. “No live steel?” 

“Not today. We’re both too rusty for that.” 

Tom laughed and went into the house. By the time he got back, Loki had magiced himself into lightweight black leather armor, and was stretching. His waist-length hair was bound into a plait down his back. He looked up at Tom, eyes sparkling as they traveled over Tom’s dark gray practice armor. “I’d nearly forgotten how well you look in armor, beloved.” 

Tom laughed. “I look almost as good as _you_ do in armor, which is to say, extremely.” 

Loki grinned and tossed Tom a wooden sword which he pulled from nowhere, only to arm himself with a pair of wooden daggers a moment later. Tom was just as good at fighting with daggers as he was with a sword, but the longer reach gave him a tiny bit of an advantage. Not nearly enough. Loki had trained as a warrior for hundreds of years, and less than two decades of stage combat wasn’t even close. Not to mention Tom a mere human, up against a god. 

The look in Loki’s eyes though, that made it worth it. 

They started slow, warming up with simple strikes and feints. Soon the back garden was full of the clack of wood striking wood. Tom fell easily into the rhythm, even though it had been a while. Strike, feint, dodge, strike, strike, dodge. He focused on where Loki’s blades were going, not where they were. Did his best not to telegraph his intention too much. Loki berated him whenever he made his moves too obvious. That was a deliberate part of stage combat. The person you were “fighting” was supposed to know what was happening. Real combat was completely different. 

Still, they’d done this enough over the past years that Tom wasn’t completely useless. He could hold his own and give Loki a decent workout. From the way Loki was moving, he desperately needed it. 

After an hour, Tom was panting, hair sweat-soaked and straggling into his eyes. Loki was grinning like a maniac and barely winded, a light sheen of sweat on his brow. Tom was getting tired - he wasn’t as young as he used to be - but kept fighting, just to keep that look in his husband’s eyes. 

Perhaps he was too tired. Before he realized where he was standing, Tom’s back hit the tree in the center of the yard. A quick flick of Loki’s wrist knocked the sword from his hands. A wooden dagger was at his throat a moment later, Loki pressing him up against the rough bark. 

“I yield,” Tom gasped out. “You win.” 

The next moment, the dagger was gone and Loki was kissing him. The god’s magic flowed into Tom, easing the aches, calming his breath. Making it possible for him to feel the full force of Loki’s kiss. 

After being lovers for so long, Tom had gotten used to the magic that would flow between them when he and Loki touched. He would have frayed himself to pieces if he hadn’t. Most of the time it was a trickle, just an extra layer on top of the pleasures of skin contact. Sometimes it was a torrent, blasting through Tom’s senses like a hurricane. Now it was a steady wind. Enough to keep him afloat. Enough to make his nerves dance. He moaned into Loki’s mouth and pulled him close. Tom had once joked that sparring was foreplay for an Asgardian, but it wasn’t really a joke. He could feel Loki’s arousal through two sets of armor. Given that he’d been on the edge of breaking down an hour ago, this was a welcome change. 

Tom slid his hands down Loki’s sides, to his hips and arse, pulling him closer yet. Loki gasped and ground their hips together. 

“Feeling better?” 

“Immensely.” 

“Care to go back inside?” 

“Mmmm, no, not especially.” 

“Loki, the fence around our garden is only two meters tall, and is not _soundproof.”_

“I could make it soundproof.” 

“And if the neighbors get an eyeful?” 

Pale eyes glittered. “Let them.” 

“Or you could use your handy ‘don’t look at me’ spell.” 

Loki’s breath caught, and he smiled. “As you wish, beloved.” 

Loki pulled away and Tom whined at the loss of contact. A few intricate gestures and muttered words later Loki was back. One hand went to the fastenings of Tom’s armor, the other buried in his hair. 

“Have I mentioned how much I like your hair this way?” Loki murmured against Tom’s lips between kisses. 

Tom slid a hand along Loki’s back to find the end of the god’s thick braid and undo it. “Not today.” 

Loki wrapped one of Tom’s shoulder-length black curls around his finger. “You look like a proper god.” 

“You mean I look more like you.” 

“Well yes.” 

Tom chuckled. “Narcissist.” 

“Pot, meet kettle.” 

Tom burst out laughing. Loki picking up an idiom never failed to amuse him, and this was an inevitable running joke between them. “I suppose that’s fair.” 

Loki grinned. “I thought so.” He leaned in for another kiss. “That’s part of the magic that makes this work.” 

“That, and being able to assure privacy for our back garden activities.” 

“Indeed. Speaking of which…” Loki trailed off as he turned his mouth to Tom’s neck rather than talking. Those “activities” wouldn’t activate themselves, after all. 

o0o

Much later in the day, after they’d eaten supper, Tom and Loki lay in bed reading together. That was generally how they fell asleep, unless they were falling into post-coital unconsciousness. Cuddled together, each enjoying their love of the written word. Tom had no idea what Loki was reading, but something in his _own_ book made Tom think of something. 

“Loki?” 

“Yes beloved?” 

“Why don’t you use the hidden paths to travel here?” 

Loki rolled over and looked at him with a raised eyebrow. “They’re not as easily accessed as in my home universe. I _can_ travel them, but not safely, and certainly not with another person.” 

“Ah. I suppose that makes sense. I wasn’t suggesting that we sneak somewhere to get away, just that you might have some magical way of feeling less trapped.” 

Loki shook his head. “I will not leave you alone in this mess. Not for anything.” 

“I appreciate that, love, but you need to do something about this. I’m too old to spar with you every day.” 

“You are not too old,” Loki snapped. He shook his head and ran a hand over his face, wiping away the tight lines around his eyes. “Apologies. I didn’t mean to imply that you _had_ to do anything. And I’m not asking you to spar every day. Perhaps a few times a week?” 

Tom sighed, but gave his husband a smile. “I can do that. Despite my bruises, I think we both feel better for it. But the point remains. You’re a god. Even if you can’t help anyone else, you can help yourself.” 

Loki quirked an eyebrow at him. “Are you seriously telling me to be more selfish?” 

“Yes. In this case, yes.” Tom put a hand on Loki’s chest and gazed very seriously into his eyes. “For my sake, please be a selfish bastard?” 

Loki threw his head back and laughed. “You will forever delight me, beloved.” 

Tom grinned. “I hope so.” 

Loki leaned in and kissed him. “I know so.” 

“So you’ll think about it?” 

“I shall. Nothing comes immediately to mind, but I shall consider it carefully.” 

“Good.” Tom kissed him, and reached out to curl a strand of Loki’s hair around his fingers, much like the god had earlier. “You know I’m keeping my hair this color because you like it, don’t you?” 

Loki blinked at the change of topic. “Are you?” 

Tom nodded and shifted closer, laying more fully against his husband’s side. “I have no idea when I’ll be able to go back to work, but I know you like it when…” He trailed off, searching for the words. 

“When you look more like me?” Loki suggested with a raised eyebrow. 

Tom nodded. 

“I do love your natural hair color too, you know. And when you wear a beard.” Loki brushed his fingers along Tom’s jaw, rough against the stubble. “I love everything about you, even when you’re not like me at all.” 

Tom smiled up at him. “I know. Not that I’m all that dissimilar, even at the utmost.” 

“I suppose not.” Loki scooted down so that they were face to face. “I do have some rather fabulous memories of armor and a hotel room wall.” 

Tom laughed. “That was certainly a case where more similar was better.” 

“Mmm, yes.” Loki kissed him. “Though it’s considerably easier for me to hold you up than the other way around.” 

Tom laughed. “And because of that, I can now cross off ‘fucked against a tree’ from my bucket list.” 

Loki chuckled. “Had I known that was on your list, we could have done it ages ago.” 

“It wasn’t, actually, but I thoroughly enjoyed it.” 

“I would hope by now that you’d let me know if you were uncomfortable with something.” 

Tom gave his husband a sharp look. “You didn’t expect me to say yes to that, did you?” 

Loki grinned. “I did not, but I was most pleased that you did.” 

“You’re not the only one who’s turned on by sparring,” Tom replied. “Or perhaps I have enough god in me by now to have picked that up.” 

“I have been… filling you for some time now.” 

Tom chuckled and pulled Loki a bit closer. “Care to add a bit more?” 

“I thought you’d never ask.” 

o0o

Tom woke the next morning to find himself alone. Or… no, not alone. The space at his side was certainly lacking the heavy weight of a god. There was however a large, green-eyed black cat blinking at him from Loki’s pillow. 

“Loki?” 

The cat meowed and padded over to sniff him. Tom held out his hand, which the cat promptly scent-marked, then licked. 

“That tickles, you know.” 

The cat purred. 

“I hope you’re not stuck in that form.” 

The cat shook its head, then rubbed its face against his hand again, still purring. 

“This was your idea for getting out and about more?” 

The cat meowed again. 

“You should consider a collar so nobody thinks you’re a stray.” 

Tom had never seen a cat roll their eyes before. He didn’t think they could. Apparently at least god-cats were perfectly capable. A moment later a green leather collar with a gold tag appeared around the furry black neck. The tag read _Loki_ in an elegant cursive script. 

Tom laughed. “I wonder how many green-eyed black cats out there are named Loki?” 

Loki-the-cat flicked his ears and tail as if to say, “there are many, but I am clearly the best of them.” 

“Alright, go have fun. Shall we have fish for supper?” 

Loki narrowed his eyes and walked up to Tom so that they were nose to nose, then carefully and deliberately ran his very rough cat tongue over Tom’s lips. Tom laughed and kissed the top of Loki’s head. “I’ll take that as a yes.” 

Loki stepped away again, meowed, and hopped off the bed. A moment later, Tom spotted him outside the bedroom window leaping for the tree in the center of their back garden. He scrabbled down it, and vanished from Tom’s sight. 

Tom smiled and got out of bed. Sometimes magic really was the answer. 


End file.
